Rude Kids

‘Maji Satak Li’, ‘Panga Mat Lena’....these hoardings greet me everywhere in Mumbai these days. They are for a new reality show (is that what these are called?) to find India’s Dramabaaz kids. 

And these hoardings anger me. As if we Indians are not rude enough, we want to now also showcase how obnoxious our kids can be.I have never quite understood how parents don’t control their kids on flights, and look on indulgently as the child talks loudly, messes around, kicks the seat in front all the time. Or when kids run around restaurants, call the stewards again and again with innumerable demands or when kids push and shove for a turn at the swings. Or when parents are amused that the kid talks like an adult with all the expressions and drama! I can’t stand kids who act too big for their boots, and their parents horrify me even more. 

And much as we are mistaking our right to expression in the democracy, I think we are missing the boat on allowing kids the freedom of expression too. The right to express yourself does not mean being rude, being precocious and unmindful of people’s feelings. It does however mean letting people know how you feel, in a manner that is age-appropriate and in a language that is civil . It means being mindful of how others might receive it. And being prepared for the repercussions if someone is offended. 

I don’t think kids can process all that at an early age. They don’t have shades of grey like adults do - for them things are pretty much in  black and white. So when we indulge their rudeness in our love, they don’t understand that the same behavior can appall someone else too - and they may become outcasts or clowns in their peer group. Over time, most children learn to modify their behavior in peer groups or with superiors but it is not a happy situation. And it  does not ever leave them - rude behavior rears its head in crisis situations. 

Rude kids make rude adults. And really parents are responsible for this - not the media, not the extended family and not the peer group. 

I allow my kids to express themselves - often I am told that I am way too indulgent with them and talk about too many things with them. But I would be appalled if they were rude to me or to anyone else. That is not part of my liberalness. 

For me polite behavior is not about saying ‘Sat Sri Akal’ or touching someone’s feet (though that is nice too). But politeness is about not deliberating hurting someone, of having the courage to apologise if something inappropriate has been said or done, and about not showing off what you possess. It is also about keeping quiet in situations that will not benefit from your input. It is being nice to people who are not as privileged as you or whose needs are greater than yours. 

Good manners are not about being fake. They determine the sense of wrong and right in all human beings. They are one’s way of making the world a better place.

So if a kid ever tells me ‘Maja Satak Li’ and the parents coo with delight  -trust me, my brain will also go for a toss, and I will pinch the kid hard when the parents are not looking. 

Crazy Indian Democracy

I love India and her crazy sense of democracy. And I am amazed that we are still a nation! This hodge podge nation of diverse peoples still survives. That we still have some sort of a functioning democracy!

It is so easy to criticize India for what she has not achieved, but look at the assets we have:

- for a country with different religions, communities and castes, we are pretty cool. There could have been more riots over differences, but by and large, we co-exist peacefully. That does not mean we don’t bitch about other religions -sure, as a Sikh I am appalled by the number of gods and rituals and superstitious beliefs my Hindu friends seem to have but I love them and their festivals in equal measure.
- The ease with which you can stay in any part of India, to conduct business or pursue education. In China I was told that people who come into Beijing to work are considered immigrants and do not enjoy rights like the Beijingers do. In India, we may crib about north and south divide - how Panjus are belligerent and Tamilians supercilious, but we have the freedom to go and settle down where we like. Therefore, when MNS and Shiv Sena talk about Maharashtra for Marathi Manoos, we can all scream and shout and revile them.
- The freedom of speech - perhaps this is what we Indians love the best about our country. The Print media may be bought out, TV bribed to say the right things about the government, but now there is the active social media network where you can say what you like.Nobody can haul me to jail for criticising my government.
- So what if we have not learnt the art of giving to NGOs and strangers....each of us does try to improve the living standard of the people who work for us. And if the kids of my maids and driver grow up to choose other professions and make more money than their parents, I would think we have given something small back to the society.
- Yes, we have little civic sense. We spit and piss everywhere and throw fruits and paper even out of BMWs. We think a line is meant to be broken and rules are meant to be bent or broken. But in moments of crisis, when the official system fails us, it is the very same ‘uncivic’ people who rise to the occasion to help.
- Yes, In India nothing works if you don’t have contacts. But you don’t have to be rich to have those connections. Good relationships and networking at any social strata gets you that benefit. And there is some merit in that too, when everything is not driven by the rule of the book.It helps in emergencies when you need a doctor, a loan or even vegetables delivered late night to your home.

Sure we have a long way to go...we will learn in due course how to create a civic society that cares about its people! We will have more accountable bureaucrats and politicians and there really will be ‘equality’ for all.

Till then, lets be grateful for what we have!

At 13

As I see Nishna enter her teens, I am struck by the difference in her growing up years and mine.

I had 2 pairs of bell bottoms and some other random clothes that I wore in turns and perhaps wore school or Gola shoes; Nishna has a cupboard full of all kinds of clothes - dresses - tube, spaghetti, short, long, shorts of all sizes, t-shirts in all hues and shapes, shoes - platforms, wedges, heels, flats, open toed..the list is endless

Holidays meant travelling in the train in a coupe with an icebox full of ice and drinks, a surahi of cool water, puri aloo for meals and going off for a month to Nani or Dadi’s house. There, the house would be full of cousins of all ages and we were left to our own devices. Now, holidays mean planning for an international trip, something that will expose kids to global trends and help them become comfortable in the shrinking world. The holidays are choc a block with activities that are all duly recorded in photos and videos - to be shared with all.

Post school time was for sleeping, reading, studying, probably quickly hopping across to the GK market to eat papri chaat. There was one family phone that operated on the blessings of the MTNL guys and the usage was strictly regulated. Games we played were pithu, lagdi tang, chor police and hide and seek.Now post school activities are centred around bonding with friends on bbm, facebook, gmail and personal phones and watching TV! Games are played on the PSP, Wii, X-Box and other devices.

Birthday parties meant that I could take my close friends (usually 2) to Nirulas for a pizza, ice-cream and drink. Now, parties are about dresses, music and dance. Girls skype each other before each party to show off their clothes and shoes.

I was in a hostel and at 13 was getting introduced to English music that the American Khalsas brought into the school. Nishna knows all the latest music and pays for nothing - downloading all on her iPod and other devices.

Studying meant learning by rote and practice all that my ICSE and CBSE books taught me - never mind if I understood anything or not. Now, research happens on the net and Nishna is being trained to ask questions!

Parents were someone I was scared of. I could not have used bad language in front of them, spoken about naughty stuff - Now kids think of nothing before saying it all in front of us.

Having a boyfriend was taboo. Even a male friend! Now Nishna tells me to be nice to the mothers of her close ‘male’ friends, whether I like them or not!

Yet, some things remain the same - peer pressure, study stress ,body image problems, hormonal changes , temper tantrums and the feeling that parents are strict and don't understand anything. That everyone else's teen years are better than one's own!

What would I not give to be 13 again!

Indian Kids - globally competitive??

I am amused when I see fantastic statistics on how well Indian students are doing internationally and predictions that Indian and Chinese students will overtake the world.
Chinese kids I don’t know much about, but Indian kids have a really long way to go -
- Untrained Teachers - India needs to invest a lot more in educating teachers today. Most teachers were educated like us-in schools that focussed on rote and paid little attention to creativity. And because teachers don’t have the correct skill set, they are unable to help children think out of the box too. At a recent science fair submission, a couple of kids decided to do a project on the sub-conscious and conscious mind with some interesting hypotheses...the teacher shot it down saying it was too boring!
- Poor Infrastructure - How many schools have good labs and good teachers who can demonstrate concepts? Good museums that help children assimilate classroom learnings are just not there. Not all kids can go to apno London to see the Natural History Museum or the Science Museum to understand how things work. A visit to the heritage sites is a lesson on good storytelling gone bad. Nishna came back terribly disappointed from a trip to Lothal, an Indus Valley site - they were shown a boring audio visual presentation and the guide who accompanied them was not clued on.
- Connecting the real and book worlds - Have you ever noticed how boring the Civics lessons in Indian school text books are? Civics might be the most important subject for our kids and us, because it tells us how our country is governed and what the roles and responsibilities of the government are? So if schools can organise a trip to a biscuit factory, they can also connect with the local panchayat or gram parishad and take children for a trip there. How about a trip to the Police Station? Or a government hospital? How else can we make learning valuable for our kids?
- Pursuit of perfection - we just don’t have it. Indians do chalu , chalta hai type jobs and no one has patience to learn something really well. I have to stifle a guffaw when kids get their black belts in martial arts or top honours in piano and ballet, because they don’t have the right reference points. One viewing of Jaden Smith’s Karate Kid was enough to make me aware how sorely lacking we are in the pursuit of perfection.
Lost opportunities - Brought on, for instance, by over zealous parents who out-source simple school projects that the child presents as his own. Or bolstering the letter of intent in college applications by waxing eloquent about great deeds done in Community Action Service. Kids bask in the glory of work that is not their own - these are opportunities lost as the child has not worked towards acquiring a skill set. And sooner or later all these things will come back to haunt us - And we will be the world’s most populous country with a poor skill set and no way out!