I find that as I am growing older it is becoming more difficult to make friends. Therefore, if any of my friendships break, change or wither away imperceptibly, it is extremely painful.Unlike my younger years, when I would brush off the break-ups with the arrogance of youth, I brood, sulk and potter unhappily if I feel rejected or ignored.
Paradoxically ,it is becoming easier to meet people at work or at social dos and chat and connect over inane matters. I am less inhibited,can network, enjoy my drink with friends of friends, have a great time, dance , air kiss and move on!
But making friends is another matter all together. A friend I can share stuff with - what drives me, bothers me or interests me. The friend I want to spend an afternoon with and one who I want to go on a holiday with. A friend I can bond with!It is becoming difficult to connect with someone at that intrinsic level when you automatically gel and are drawn into a deep friendship.
I am not sure why this is happening. Childhood (school , college and campus years) was easier to make friends in. The only principles that governed life were fun and studies. As long as the person satisfied one or both these principles he/she was good to have as a friend. We did not question status of families, designations of parents or compare houses, holidays and mundane things like money, bank balances and cars. (It helped that everyone had either a scooter, fiat or ambassador!).There were home friends, school friends, club friends, friends at granny’s and so on.
But today, when I have to ‘connect’ with someone, there are a hoard of issues. I can’t connect with kitty party types, social climbers, hangers-on or the celebrity types. I also can’t connect with women whose goals for their kids are different from mine; helicopter and tiger moms give me a headache.
At work, it is difficult to establish friendships. Too much is at stake - assignments, money, promotions. It is a dog-eat-dog world (or atleast a crabby one) where every one fights for survival or a better deal. I might be betrayed or I might betray someone.
Most of the guys I know now are married. Unlike in younger years, I can’t connect with a guy to the exclusion of his wife .Or his professional status. I am wary of guys who are overly friendly at the gym - there is a nagging suspicion that the sight of a voluptuous woman running desperately on the treadmill is too tempting an opportunity for them to pass up.
So I desperately hang on to whatever friends I still have. Those that go back 30 years or ones that I have met and become great pals with only recently. And it upsets me greatly if any of my relationships break or my friends drift apart. I find myself clinging on to those I love and who tolerate me enough!
And I really hope my friends will live longer than me!!
