‘Is it true that Siddharth Malhotra is Karan Johar’s lover’, asked my 10 year old nephew.
I kept a straight face and said,‘That’s what I have heard too.’
‘But Maasi, who is the woman in the relationship?’ , he continued.
And my mind went Hmmmmm. That the 10 year old is aware of gays was not news to me, but that he knew there were male-female roles in these relationships was something I found hard to process at that moment!
Listen into any conversation that Moms with kids in the age-group of 9-14 have with each other, and sex figures predominantly in it. What is it that our kids know? What should they be aware of? What is the school teaching them? Where are they picking up information from? And is so much information really required for them?
This much is true - at young ages they are more aware of many things we had never heard of. I first heard the F word when I was in the 7th grade and also became aware of gays and lesbians when I went to boarding school at that age. I was mortified because I thought I might be pregnant - I had heard that if any part of a boy/man’s body (except your dad or brother ) touches you, it invited pregnancy. I had held and cuddled my infant cousin and spent that month in stress - till I mustered up the courage to tell my mother. (I don’t know how she did not crack up with laughter at the time)!
There were no sex education classes in school .The biology chapter on Reproduction had the teacher staring blankly into another world as she droned on - and the class tittered and giggled in embarrassment! Mensuration in Maths also became an X- rated word because of menstruation in Biology.
So yes, our kids are more ‘aware’. Schools have sex awareness classes and many children also go for such classes with counsellors out of school. There is tons of information available on the internet, even if you have Net Nanny and such installed. Bollywood is more blatant about sex and most U rated movies have lewd, suggestive jokes. Kids also pick up information from the seniors they interact with , from older cousins and from the peer group. Young Adult literature is full of teen sex.
Should they know all these things?
Why not? As parents, we are always stressed about pedophiles and people waiting to get their hands on our young ones. These people can be found anywhere - in relatives within families, in household staff, among friends, in tuition teachers, coaches, guards and police officers...any where. So it is good for kids to be spoken to, and for them to be aware of good touch-bad touch and intuition when things don’t seem right.
And who should give them information?
Personally, I believe parents are the most capable ones to deliver this gyaan to their children. It requires that we swallow our inhibition and talk freely to them coz frankly we have lots more opportunity to ‘talk’. At their bed-time, on the dinner table, after a movie, during a holiday...
I spend loads of time with kids of different ages and quite frankly, our children are not any better off than we were. Their knowledge is incomplete.
They need information - and they will look for it elsewhere if we don’t help them with it. Their stressors are the same - like us (at that age) they are also grappling with peer pressure, are dealing with their changing bodies and emotions, are confused with hormonal activity and are terribly insecure about anything going wrong.
Ofcourse I don’t shut up and speak to my kids constantly about the birds and the bees. And yet, I am not sure if I am being able to help them. All I know is that I want them to make the right choices as they are growing up, to be aware of the consequences of their actions and to never do stuff they will regret for the rest of their lives.
And this is fun for me too...I am constantly amused by stuff kids are aware of and their new fangled lingo.I am learning new words that I choke on... dry humping and lip virginity ...and I wonder what new question tomorrow will bring!
