Adultery, infidelity, extra-marital affairs, flings - I hear these words more often than I heard of dating and boyfriends when we were younger. There are all kinds of statistics that talk of this ‘loose’ generation and I have been trying to get my head around this to understand the concept better. Is it really true that our generation is more promiscuous and willing to look out of the marriage? There are certainly many things at play.
Monogamy - Our generation (and possibly our parents too ) are really the few that have had monogamy thrust as a legality upon us. It is a societal need - marriage is less about the husband and wife than it is about bringing up kids in a secure, happy environment and ensuring absolutely the best for them. And this can only happen when kids have both the parents around them and are safe in the knowledge that the parents are there for them forever. This helps them seek and establish warm caring relationships in the future.
Middle Age - Definitely hits us all big time. For women, it comes after the child bearing age and when the routine subtly change over a period of time. There is a time when the kids don’t need you that very often. For men, that same period is when they have worked hard to climb up the professional or business ladder and the primary motive is to earn enough to provide everything for the family. And then you watch the kids become young adults - and watch yourselves become older and perceive yourselves to be less desirable. You try to hang on to your youth and re-visit every bit of what reminds you of being young or what makes you feel young - it might be a fancy car or old friends who do not see your greying hair or paunch or fat!
Monotony - All the roles we play in our lives bring with them a certain sense of familiarity and monotony. After all, how romantic can you be with the same person you have been married to for decades? And how can you keep up surprises? You know every thought and move of your partner - that is not so bad again - after all we all need the comfort of a relationship we can take for granted. But when someone walks into your life, it is refreshing and possibly tempting.
Independent women - Professional women go through colleges and institutes and are in constant touch with boys/men all through. But does this qualify them as candidates for infidelity? I think this is the one segment that is least likely to be adulterous. Because quite frankly there is less possibility that you will like ‘romantically’ the very men you have studied or worked with. There is competitiveness, rivalry and also deep friendships , but seldom does lust or romance enter the picture. Working women are struggling too hard to keep up in their different roles.
Friendships between opposite sexes - Can a man and a woman be only platonic friends? The sum total of my experiences tells me they can. I have many deep friendships with men but none of us view each other with anything but deep affection. There can be deep emotional bonds between friends but that is all there is to it.
So, I come back to the question I have been grappling with. Is our generation more promiscuous than the previous ones? And I find that the answer is a persistent NO. Of course there is temptation - Men and women are traveling a lot more on work, they do socialise with or without their respective spouses and there is a whole lot of close friendships between men and women.
But our generation is also largely nuclear and the primary focus is the kids - and nobody (save a few) would do anything to jeopardise the childrens’ futures. While most of us have had arranged marriages, these were not thrust upon us - we did get to spend time with our prospective spouses and gauge them. And the issues that confront love or arranged marriages are the same - hot passionate love goes out of the window in a few years as you tackle the larger issues of creating a life together. Love in a marriage is not about passion - it is about a deep abiding understanding , respect and affection that helps you tide through tough times. It is about pooling individual resources to make a successful marriage that many people depend on - kids, parents and extended families. It is about the creation of a rock solid bond that helps tide over problems. Marriage bestows respectability and a social standing and very few would want to mess with that.
Despite all the drama, I think our generation is committed and monogamous. And I find that commendable. It is easy to give into temptation but the repercussions are so horrifying that people pull back in to the safety of the known and carry on. And this is not compromise. It is an awareness that there is a higher task that has been assigned to us and that it needs to be a roaring success. And that makes the generation truly spectacular!
