A note in the papers stated that Indians are getting ruder. And that parents are to blame for it. There is some truth in the statement, and is reflective of the rapidly changing India and behaviors that are undergoing a sea change too. Indians are in a rush to become an economic power and aspire to lifestyles of the west - but there is little civic sense , dignity of labour or genuine respect for human beings. What we have is an abundance of false pride, arrogance and superciliousness.
New money
Most of us earn more than our parents, and the markets are flooded with things that were objects of desire for us when we were kids. Simple things like Toblerone chocolates, Barbie dolls or Hi-Street shops for clothes. We want it all. We want everything our money can buy - and for the rest, there are credit cards. So fancy cars, big homes, great clothes, great toys - we have them all. And once we have these things, we earn the right to be rude. I demand the better parking, a better table at the restaurant, better service in the airline - and if I don’t get it - well I will throw a tantrum. I will not stand in a line - I am filled with my own self-importance!
Look around you and you will see that rude behavior is the highest in people with new money. And in their kids. I have heard school teachers complain that some parents look down on them because they must earn less! And are therefore inferior on the social scale!!
In this whole game of one-upmanship and assessing people based on their cars, houses and jewelry, we are missing a critical detail. All that we have earned is through sheer hard work. We grew up in a competitive environment with a scarcity mentality and were determined to succeed. Our kids will have to work doubly hard to support these current lifestyles. Instead, we are bringing up kids who have none of that hunger we had, and have killer attitudes and arrogance. That is not going to help them.
Rudeness with the staff
The class divide is the strongest in our houses and teaches our kids a thing or two about rude behavior. Most of us grew up in households where there was help , but we were compelled to make our own beds, lay down the table and help Moms with chores. New money has brought with it the independence to hire more staff at home. And none of us want to lift a finger to do stuff anymore. We are callous to our staff and tick them off at the slightest infarctions. It is OK to be rude to help of all kinds or to not treat them as equals. Most kids I see are extremely rude to their maids and drivers - whether in hitting them, making jibes at them, or in simple things like asking them to wait outside while they have fun with their friends in the room.
And they learn similar lessons when they see our behaviors with stewards on airlines or in hotels, with banking staff, with vegetable vendors - anyone who provides us with a service. And this undoes any lessons they are taught in equality.
New fangled ideas on parenting
Most of us grew up in strict middle class households. We were taught to greet visitors and relatives with a Namaste or Sat Sri Akal. We were not encouraged to indulge ourselves when we went out with parents. I remember my mom’s nails digging into my wrist whenever the host asked me if I wanted a Coke - and I had to (disappointedly) say no. We were seen, not heard. And got the occasional spanking too.
So when we became parents ourselves, we decided to correct the wrongs. We decided that our kids would lead fulfilling lives and have the confidence to tell us what they wanted. They would have the authority to take their own decisions.That we would be ‘friends’ to our kids.
I fail to understand parents who let young kids decide what they want to eat , who they want to play with and whether they want to go somewhere or not! Or parents who are helpless that their kids drink or smoke under peer pressure! Or parents who say their kids don’t listen to them. Or parents who smile indulgently when there kids are downright cheeky and rude -all in the name of being witty!
You give kids authority when they don’t have the emotional bandwidth to decide right from wrong - then don’t complain when they refuse to listen to you and throw tantrums.
Really - we need not fool ourselves. We are not our children’s best friends. We are their parents.And it is our moral duty to guide them, bully them in order to help them separate the wheat from chaff.
The class divide only gets stronger, and there are pressures that the have-nots have too. They aspire to better lifestyles and our behavior tells them that we are privileged and more important than them. Our arrogance sets them on the edge too and therefore, at the slightest provocation, there is a flare-up - on both sides. These flare-ups then get reflected in crimes against women, older people , road rage and a host of other acts.
All of us need to learn - to make India a better place.
