Year end, and like many Indians abroad I can’t wait to get back to India to meet family and friends. I want to take small tokens for loved ones back home and as I began planning the gifts, I felt the beginnings of a terrible headache. This year, I am going to be the NRI aunty and from personal experience I know how brutal that scrutiny can be.
Back in the days when liberalization had still not hit India, when Indian roads were dominated by Ambassadors and Fiats, when there were no supermarkets, McDonalds or even 24 hour television channels, and you had to wait for years for telephone and gas connections, the NRI aunty’s visit was eagerly awaited. Unlike desi mothers, the NRI aunty wore jeans, make up and lots of costume jewelry. She came from the land of the rich and oozed confidence and condescension in equal measure.
The NRI aunty aka the desi Santa Claus brought with her goodies that one saw only in glossy foreign magazines. She came with fantastical stories of the hallowed land with 24 hours running water, clean, wide streets , fancy cars , big houses and huge portions of food. The NRI cousins spoke with an American or British twang, wore fancy shoes, chewed gum, carried their soft toilet paper and looked disdainfully at the fried aloo bun patty that passed off as a desi burger.
When the NRI aunty opened her bags it was a ceremony akin to looking at the dowry the newly wed bride had brought with her. The whole family would crowd around the suitcases and the smorgasbord was delightful. Toblerone chocolates,Wrigley chewing gum, Wrangler jeans, Staedtler or BIC pens, Avon lipsticks , fragrant and soft Camay soap, Head and Shoulders shampoo, Charlie perfume , China Silk or nylon sarees and dress materials, Corelle plates , watches and what not! If you were close family you also got some hand me down clothes and dry fruits that mom or grandmom would hoard up. And if you were not close, you could get a body lotion, a folding umbrella, even a torch and that was a treasure too.
Decades later things have changed. Now with McDonald’s pandering to the Indian palate with McAloo Tikki and McSpicy chicken burgers, coveted brands like the Louis Vuitton, Valentino, Chanel and Ferragamos of the world indulging the Indian upwardly mobile and even Zara and H&M opening in India, what can I take that is not available in India? Bath and Body Works/Body Shop stuff - available. Shampoos and lotions - available. Clothes - available. Candy - available. Books - Flipkart delivers them cheaper. Coach bags or Calvin Klein wallets - traveling Indians know these can be sourced cheap from the outlet malls.
I draw up a checklist and then have to cancel it all. Not only should my gift have scarce availability in India, it should also not negatively impact the sensibility of the recipient. Politeness will dictate that no one will tell me if they don’t like the gift, but I don’t want to be the NRI aunty who buys cheap from Wal-Mart and doesn’t know what Indians have already. Some years ago a relative got me a vanity set from the airline she flew - it was full of preserves and butter that she got on the flight; she made it a point to tell me how good the chapstick was. In addition she got me an ancient camera because she was not aware that India had digital cameras. I thanked her profusely and promptly gave it all to my household help (who must have passed it on further).
When visiting India, there are numerous pitfalls I must avoid. I have to curb my temptation to convert everything into dollars. It does not matter to anyone that a glass of tea at Rs20 is less than 50 cents or an antacid is a hundred times cheaper than its US equivalent. On the other hand, I may think it is a lot of money, but gifting children in the family Rs500 will not go down well - it is easy to figure that it is less than $10 . I cannot be caught with an accent or there will be eyes rolling up all around me. I must not seem fazed by the traffic, the crowds, the heat, the cold and complain about the food and water impacting my digestive system. I cannot talk about how easy life is in the US, the car I drive, how good the school might be or the fact that my children go for Gita or dance or classical music lessons. I must not praise doctors abroad, given that India is fast becoming the hospital hub in Asia and beyond. I must not claim ignorance of Indian politics, Bollywood movies or the latest music and I must refrain from offering a strong opinion on anything, because I don’t stay in India any more. I shall not ooh and aah when I see the very upmarket Starbucks at every corner in the metros. I shall not presume that Indians don’t understand wines or cheeses or other cuisines. I cannot wear loud clothes, obvious foundation, bright lipstick and definitely no flashy jewelry.
In the post liberalization and digital world, I seem to have lost my favored status as an NRI Indian. With higher disposable incomes, Indians from India are traveling abroad a lot more and are consummate consumers of everything. They know what to eat, what to buy and where to go. They know everything and that makes life so difficult.
When I go to India, my family and friends ‘know’ my plight. They know my ABCD status - I am the Ayah, Bearer, Cook and Driver for the whole family. They know I cringe when I pay $20 an hour for indifferent cleaning and that I make tea and feed my cleaning lady so she may have the energy to clean up; I balk at massages at $100 an hour and even time my haircuts with India visits so I don’t have to pay scores of greenbucks for that as well! They know that the big pack sizes from Costco are cheaper. My nephews know the prices of everything on Amazon.com and are categorical that Gap or Aeropostale will not make the cut - original Abercrombie and Hollister are welcome.
I can posture all I want, but my people in India know that what I really crave in my trip (apart from family, food and shopping) is copious amounts of indulgence. While they have to pitch in and help me when they visit the US, in India, I will sit back and be pampered ! To be served bed-tea in the morning, to have clothes laundered and ironed, to eat food cooked by someone else and to not clean up after one’s meal - these are things that make up enchanted lives.
While I was stuck in the dilemma of appropriate gifts, my mother happened to call me. I had a bright idea and said,‘ Mom I can gift Pledge to make the wood shinier or awesome disposable crockery and cutlery for parties.‘
There was silence on the other side. Then my Mother said gently, ‘Beta, we have household help and they manage just fine without all these things. We don’t need them in India.’
That hurt!
Maybe the age-old gifts still hold meaning? Bottles of scotch for men and perfumes for women from the Duty-Free shops. Or new age ones like Amazon gift vouchers for all.
This NRI aunty is out of ideas.
