Falling sick ain’t sooo bad

Sometimes it is good to fall sick. It forces you to take a break, re-examine your life and its priorities, makes you aware of the people and relationships that are really important. It helps sift the wheat from the chaff and gives a golden chance to re-claim your life.

That’s what happened to me. In the intial days of intense pain and trauma, I kept trying to understand why I was suffering so much. I am a strong believer in Karma. I make my mistakes, but by and large I try not to hurt people because I truly believe that my actions will hit me harder on the rebound. I could not figure out who it was that I had hurt so badly to be punished like this. Slowly I realised that the person I had hurt the most in the past year, the person I had betrayed and lied too and thrown negative energy at was ME. I had not treated myself well. I had walked out on a Company and a job I loved .And when a relationship breaks it results in loss of confidence and self esteem and that is what happened to me.Therefore I spent the better part of the year trying to prove to myself that I was excellent and that I could do it all. Looking back, I should have allowed myself sufficient time to grieve and move on. Instead, as I did better and better at work, I collected tons of negative energy in my heart.And this hit me big time!

In juggling marriage, kids and work I had drifted apart from many of my close relationships. And the illness re-connected me with all of them again .My mother flew nonstop for 24 hrs from Nigeria to reach me asap and nursed me 24/7. Praneet never left my bedside and played the roles of a father, husband, friend and even mother at various times. He was tuned in to every agony of mine and did what he could to alleviate it. My kids were angels , demanded nothing and stayed home alone when there was no one with them for 2 weeks through the day.My sister stood by me and cleaned up after me all the time.My strong unexpressive Dad was like playdoh and would cry on the phone everytime he called from Nigeria.And my brother dropped everything to come and visit me. My sister in law who was my emotional anchor and stayed with me to get the diagnosis right. What can I say, except that I am blessed.

I felt humbled by the number of people who were so concerned about me. And I can sift the wheat from the chaff now. My friends who asked after me, organised prayer meetings and flew in from Delhi to visit me .Those who made it a point to come to the hospital everyday just chat with Praneet in the hospital lobby to give him emotional support. The ex boss I had a misunderstanding with , the ex-colleague I was nasty to, all the Kalaghoda members and publishers -I did not know so many people cared about me.

I don’t believe I am a very nice person, but the love and concern made me feel special indeed. And while I could see nothing positive in those weeks of intense pain and suffering, today I believe that I had it good. It could have been worse.The wake up call was well timed and it has made me stop to smell the roses. And to love and appreciate what I have. And to thank the divine power for this beautiful life.