Of cousins and holidays

I was watching Kabhi Kabhi on TV and happened to sms to my aunt in Delhi who reminds me of Neetu Singh. She used to dance just like the actress and I wanted to tell her that I was thinking of her. Turns out, she was watching the movie and was also thinking of me.

I miss that - when holidays were times that all cousins came together. The adults did not plan and structure our time. We were left to our devices, and pretty much made ourselves available only when it was a mealtime. We were not taken out shopping or even for a meal. In that structureless , busy day, we did possibly make time for our holiday homework too.

I have been trying to juggle my memory on what we did. At my Dadi’s , we would sleep out on the terrace and be up with the sun. There was a graveyard behind the house that we would cook up stories about. The railway line was close by so we would linger on the tracks and scamper away when a train came hurtling down. The hot afternoons would find us all lolling on the bed and playing cards or reading. We should shell peas, fold up the washing, make tea for each other and talk about nothing at all.

My mom’s family is a bunch of mad people so at Nani’s ,there was conversation, shopping, fighting and food all day. All my aunts and uncles would descend together so there was organised chaos and plans that would be made and shelved at the last minute. The day would begin with the sound of path and gurbani and the high points were the stories my Nana regaled us with about the army , partition and war. The lucky ones got to go vegetable shopping with him. Nights were spent trying out clothes, making crank calls to whoever was the fancy of the moment, picking out lice from someone’s hair and gossiping. Never a dull moment there.

My uncle was in the army and every year we got to visit the new location he had been posted to. In big houses with even bigger, impeccably kept gardens, we were waited on hand and foot by the numerous household staff. It was great fun the day Mama’s ration from the Army would arrive - milk, eggs, ham, sausage, bread, fruit, vegetables, tea , coffee - you name it! Evenings we would go swimming and then devour the lovely picnic hamper my aunt would have organised for us. Movies in the annexe, rides in the army tanks, picnics in ancient monuments, books from the army library - the memories are so many!

Today, the realities are so different for my kids. They have aunts and uncles that are spread around the globe and who they meet on Facebook (thank god for that, else they would recognise no one).All the kids dutifully send rakhis to each other every year with a short note. Even with my siblings in Mumbai, trying to get the kids to spend time together is such an uphill task - what with busy school schedules and post school activities.

Holidays are no more about going to the grandparents’ houses, but about planning experiences that they will grow up to (hopefully ) remember. Holidays that are a drain on the money and energy and we come back feeling exhausted instead of rejuvenated. And most of the holidays have no provision for any extended family. The last time my kids met up with the whole family was at my cousin’s wedding five years ago!

How will they create memories that will hold them all together I wonder? No matter where my siblings and cousins, we still bond well and know that we will be there for each other in our hours of need. We all share a relationship that goes beyond our grandparents and parents. And that makes my family SOOO BIG.

The informality of the extended family is the best thing we have in India, but I am fearful that we are slowly losing it - and our kids will be the biggest losers.