Life and Death

‘I will call you back in ten minutes,’ said Vijay , and Sharmila , my live-in help waited all night for her boyfriend’s call. A call that never came because Vijay fell off the window of his 6th floor apartment and died on the spot. 

And as I console Sharmila, I watch her helplessness. She was not engaged to Vijay , even though they had been together for more than three years. So there is no way she can go  with the body to his village. She has not even managed to go see him for the last time because her parents disapproved of the relationship and won’t let her say goodbye. She is broken, yet, she is going about her chores like an automaton. I want her to go , but I realise there is no one she can go to.Her grief is so raw, so real and so heart-wrenching because she is denied all that she wants to do at this moment. 

Sharmila was so excited because last year I had started a salary saving scheme for her and she was going next weekend with her big kitty to buy jewelry with Vijay. Since her parents disapproved of this relationship, she was determined to make her own assets till Vijay would marry her. And Vijay was studying to be a doctor as well as working to pay for a small apartment he would buy for the two of them. 

I know she is young and in time, this grief too shall pass, but I am just wondering how unnecessary some of our societal restrictions are. Just because the guy was not the same caste as Sharmila, her parents disapproved.She has no social ‘standing’ as a fiancee or wife  and therefore cannot go and see the face of the guy she loves - one last time. 

Why do we put such strictures anyways? Why have such a list of dos and don’ts? Sure, some of it is to protect our kids, but more and more I realise that these long lists are because of insecurities. We ‘possess’  because of insecurities, families fight over money and family over insecurities, people conform to societal standards because of fear of being ex-communicated and we learn to swallow our needs and desires for ‘society’, represented largely by our own family. 

If the only constant of life is death, and that is the only certainty and unpredictability too, then why do we fight, connive, bitch and make life miserable? Would it not be easier to simplify life, and just enjoy the moment. Does loving not mean enjoying people you love, letting them live life to their potential, and allowing them to be themselves?

I know, at the end of my life, I want to have no regrets. I want to live life in all its glory - Queen sized - the pain, the love, the successes , the failures, the happiness- the sheer joy of living. And I want to blame no one for anything in my life. That does not mean I want to bring pain to any of my loved ones - just that I want to have the freedom to be me. That’s the value system I want for my kids  - an ability to accept consequences for their actions and truly experience life! 

As Maya Angelou says  -Life loves the Liver of it! 

Books as Friends

Books are pretty much like friends. And some special books have  a meaning and purpose in my life. 

Some books like Cutting for Stone and The Sense of an Ending, are friends with whom  I want to spend as much time as I can. Each page , like each conversation is a delight. And I am suspended in that make believe world. As the pages near the end, I begin to feel the anxiety that this will end soon. That I am losing my grip on this special world and it will soon be over. I am not too sure how I want to end it - drag each page and let it fill my senses, or chase the pages fast so I know how the book ends. And when I finish the book, I hold it in my hands and mull over it. I go back to pages that enamoured me and re-read them again.I re-imagine the scenarios in my mind and wonder how else it could have turned out. That is pretty much how it plays out with special friends. Much later, I think of the time we have spent together, re-live conversations and their deeper, hidden meanings and long for the next time we shall meet again.

Some like The World According to Garp and A Hundred Years of Solitude are like friendships I renew again and again. Every year, I pull out these two books and read them thoroughly. And each time, I find  new meaning in them and I spend time relishing each page. Much like those friends that I seldom meet, but each meeting reminds me why I love them so, and I learn something new about them again. 

How I Saved My Life is like a friend who turns up at the opportune moment to be an Angel in my life. And provides me with support that I desperately need at that time. Like the Angel friend, the book may seem shallow , but sift the wheat from the chaff - and the diamond sparkles!  And this book, (and my Angels) pop up uncannily, again and again !!

Some friends are like Fifty Shades of Grey. I picked up the book with great excitement, because it was on the best seller list. And then did not want the book in my house lest my kids picked it up out of curiosity. My ‘Grey’ friends are the ones I thought were mine, but turned out to be something quite different - and were worthy only when they exited my life and took their negativity with them.

Then there are books like the one on Steve Jobs. They sit on my bookshelf, mildly attracting attention - much like friends who are non intrusive, and ones I don’t give the time of the day. I know, the books, like my friends,are interesting and will add value to my life, but it is not time for them for a bigger role in my life - yet. 

Accidental delights like India After Gandhi are like unexpected friends - I approached them with no expectations. And they have brought me immense joy and happiness - and I never want to let go of them. 

And some friendships are like Twice Born that offer no atonement and no closure. They are the source of constant anguish and pain , of a world and innocence lost, and one from which there is no escape. Yet, their beauty is unsurpassed and the experience incomparable. 

And ofcourse I have learnt - Never judge a book by its cover, and never judge a friend at all!