‘I will call you back in ten minutes,’ said Vijay , and Sharmila , my live-in help waited all night for her boyfriend’s call. A call that never came because Vijay fell off the window of his 6th floor apartment and died on the spot.
And as I console Sharmila, I watch her helplessness. She was not engaged to Vijay , even though they had been together for more than three years. So there is no way she can go with the body to his village. She has not even managed to go see him for the last time because her parents disapproved of the relationship and won’t let her say goodbye. She is broken, yet, she is going about her chores like an automaton. I want her to go , but I realise there is no one she can go to.Her grief is so raw, so real and so heart-wrenching because she is denied all that she wants to do at this moment.
Sharmila was so excited because last year I had started a salary saving scheme for her and she was going next weekend with her big kitty to buy jewelry with Vijay. Since her parents disapproved of this relationship, she was determined to make her own assets till Vijay would marry her. And Vijay was studying to be a doctor as well as working to pay for a small apartment he would buy for the two of them.
I know she is young and in time, this grief too shall pass, but I am just wondering how unnecessary some of our societal restrictions are. Just because the guy was not the same caste as Sharmila, her parents disapproved.She has no social ‘standing’ as a fiancee or wife and therefore cannot go and see the face of the guy she loves - one last time.
Why do we put such strictures anyways? Why have such a list of dos and don’ts? Sure, some of it is to protect our kids, but more and more I realise that these long lists are because of insecurities. We ‘possess’ because of insecurities, families fight over money and family over insecurities, people conform to societal standards because of fear of being ex-communicated and we learn to swallow our needs and desires for ‘society’, represented largely by our own family.
If the only constant of life is death, and that is the only certainty and unpredictability too, then why do we fight, connive, bitch and make life miserable? Would it not be easier to simplify life, and just enjoy the moment. Does loving not mean enjoying people you love, letting them live life to their potential, and allowing them to be themselves?
I know, at the end of my life, I want to have no regrets. I want to live life in all its glory - Queen sized - the pain, the love, the successes , the failures, the happiness- the sheer joy of living. And I want to blame no one for anything in my life. That does not mean I want to bring pain to any of my loved ones - just that I want to have the freedom to be me. That’s the value system I want for my kids - an ability to accept consequences for their actions and truly experience life!
As Maya Angelou says -Life loves the Liver of it!
No comments:
Post a Comment