The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Ever since I read this book by Mitch Albom, my brain was in a tizzy. I wondered who my five people would be ? 

I thought I would do this exercise for fun, but what seemed simple turned out to be a very difficult task. You might think it is easy to identify the five people you will meet in heaven, but try it....it is an uphill task. 

I made a list of people I thought should be on my list. My list comprised of  family, friends, colleagues , enemies, and random people even. And I wrote against each name what they had done to impact my life.I set myself a simple benchmark as I tackled the list- did this person do anything that changed me as a human being , or make me take decisions that have shaped  the person I am today? 

An important bewildering lesson - I realised that the people who have influenced my life the most, are not necessarily the ones who have impacted it. 

For instance-my parents. They have shaped and moulded me - and given me the tools to go out into the world and be independent and do my own thing. But have they changed my life? No. Parents shape our lives and make us what we are - there is no point in thinking what we might have been if we had another set of parents!! Or a different set of circumstances - because these are givens. 

Likewise for Praneet - my life changed when I married him - but has he changed my life? Not necessarily. Even Linda Goodman - we all grew up reading what she had to say about sun-signs and relationships - and like all young girls I also swore by her. But there was no change in my life because of that influence!! 

Ofcourse there are small changes that happen to us because of social interaction. Friends influence us and we take on some of their characteristics . We behave differently with various groups of friends. Family members also influence behaviours and we mould ourselves to make them happy. For instance, my mom-in-law likes me in suits - so I will please her by dressing up in indian attire when I meet her . But those are not life changing events. 

The names I finally ended up with on my list shocked me initially! I had not thought of some of these people in years  - but yet, when I did the exercise, the whole experience came in sharp focus for me. And I realised that they had impacted me the most in my journey till now!

I wrote letters to each one of them - telling them how my interaction with them had been life changing for me. It connected my dots for me....

Fortunately for me, my journey has been a happy one. So when my boss, whose blue eyed girl I was, refused to take me back after my child, he set the course for change for me. I was angry and determined that I would not go back to work in a chauvinistic environment. That led to my indulgence in content , writing and education and I have not looked back since. When I screwed up an assignment and made my company lose a prestigious client, I was terribly ashamed of my laxity. That has given me huge insecurity about my work.Even today, I constantly ask my self -Is this good enough? Or can I do more? What can I add to make this worth the while? So when I take on any task today, I know I push myself till I am sure that I have done the best.

While including family members in the list sounded terribly cliched, one person has impacted my life and changed it. That has to be my first born - and I have learnt to be patient and less selfish, learnt to be politically correct and to befriend the devil and tried to become a better human being so she could look upto me! 

I also realised that all the stories are interconnected. And there are many people who touch our lives - whether we are aware of them or not. All these people bring richness to the experience and help you perform the tasks you are meant to perform on earth.

I would recommend that everyone try doing this exercise. It has huge positives. This  has been the most cathartic thing I have ever done and it helped me make meaning of my mad life. 

It set into perspective all the random experiences I have had till date and how there was meaning in all of them. It  taught me how I stupidly whine and stress about inane things, and it helped me sift the wheat from the chaff. I have learnt that there are no mistakes in life and there are no experiences that are not worth having. There should be no regret - because life was meant to be such for me!

It taught me gratitude -that my life has been one full of blessings, happiness and love. 

Ofcourse, in my list of more than a hundred people, I found only four people who have impacted me enough to change my life...I still wait for the fifth one to reveal him/herself!!

Being Indian

At the Club Mahindra property in Goa over this week, we were a noisy bunch. Like any group of 60 men, women and children will be. We asked for a separate enclosure for ourselves so we would not disturb other people at meals. And we were given a separate enclosure. None of us noticed an elderly couple sitting here, until the lady walked up to us to tell us we were ill-mannered and needed to behave. 

Later in the morning, her husband, an elegant looking gentleman, walked up to three of us to have a chat. As soon as he came over, we apologised to him for the noise we had created. Very soon, the gentleman told us what he thought of us Indians. That he had traveled the world and never seen such rowdy behaviour. We told him politely that everywhere in the world, where there are large groups there will be noise and that’s the reason we were sitting in a separate enclosure. 

Ofcourse, he promptly let us know that he knew the Family and that’s why he got an upgraded suite at the hotel, and special service from the hotel staff. And that our enclosure had been ‘his‘ special enclosure for breakfast. 

So far so good.

And then the gentleman told us that he had very less faith in Indians and in their ability to take care of themselves. That we destroyed everything. That we respected nothing. That there was no hope for Indians or the country!

This - from an Indian gentleman, whose name might mean something in the Banking circles coz he had once headed the Standard Chartered Bank. 

And the three of us he had accosted said nothing to him. I looked at him, with diminished respect.

We are Indians and respect our elders -that is the reason we entertained him in the first place. None other in the world would have heard him out. He is possibly my Dad's age so I did not want to be rude to him. The other two women with me also kept quiet for the very same reason. 

He is clearly an Indian who has made it big. That’s why he pulls favours (or is Jugadu as we would say) to get the best suite in the hotel,  gets special service and is fawned upon. Where else in the world would he have gotten such impeccable service? 

I felt no anger at him - the feeling was one of sadness. 

 At 72, when you are so resentful of the country that helped you become big, of the people in that country who gave you respect, and who indulge you still - what can I say? If, after heading up an International Bank, you feel that your Indian brethren are so incapable of handling themselves and need a white man to do it - what can I say?If you continue to milk the country dry by currying favour because your social status allows you that access, and yet are critical of all other Indians -what can I say?

I did not lead his journey, so I cannot say why he hates his country men so. But I only felt terrible that someone so senior, who many Indians must have looked up to, is so uncomfortable in his skin.And I hope my journey will not be like his....that I will continue to be a proud Indian - whether I live in India or abroad. That I will continue to have faith, that despite corruption and inspite of people who abuse power for personal gains, this country will pull through.That being Indian means being resourceful, gracious, large hearted and forgiving.

Thats the reason we all chose to keep quiet- when we were all seething with anger. 

Is There A God?

As a kid, I did what I believed in God -  I prayed to Him , recited my prayers and went to the Gurudwara. When I wanted good grades, wanted to get out of trouble or wanted things badly , I prayed vigorously . I bribed, I made offerings, I promised a zillion things. I don’t really remember if God listened to me, because I don’t recollect doing any of the things I had promised. 

I know what everyone says about keeping the faith - that when things fall apart, things go wrong - then pray, believe that God is there for you. And I have tried to keep the faith. But it does not make sense to me. I mean where is He when  you need Him? When you are in trouble? When you are sick? When you desire something intensely? 

He is not there.

And we explain his absence by saying God is doing this to make you stronger. Or that He is giving you only that much suffering as you can bear. Or that He is there - his Hand is on you. Or that there are better things in store for you and He is merely testing you.Or that you are part of His bigger plan. 

Bullshit I say. 

There is no-one except for you. You make choices - you reap their benefits or repercussions. You are the one who learns to handle the problems, to handle your pain. You are the one who seeks and finds a solution. You work towards improving your life, getting your self esteem back, learn to fight your demons. You are the one who makes peace with all that bothers you. You are the one who is eventually in-charge of your Karma. 

Then why place your faith on someone who is not there? Who, in my mind, does not exist. If there is a God, and you His child, would He not try to ease your journey ? Why would He be avengeful? And frankly why would He try and make you learn ‘lessons’? 

The only entity I need to have faith in is Me. Because only I have the strength to deal with all that I go through. When I have cried, felt pain , been helpless, I have found the strength within me to become strong again.When I felt I could not go on any longer, I have turned the corner on my sheer will power.  My journey may not have been what I wanted it to be, but I made it by myself. 

There has been no God, except in my prayers when I have been most distraught. And there was no God to give me strength when I needed it most. He was not there when I needed answers and He was not there to make me better when I could have done with TLC. So for me, God does not exist. I have given up the ritual of going to the Gurudwara to offer prayers to a non-existent thing. 

The Guru Granth Sahib makes sense to me, because it contains simple tools for living. 

But God - NO. 

For me, there is no power bigger than what is within me. So I choose to Keep the Faith in Me.