Free??

As Independence Day draws closer, I have been thinking of personal freedom and what it really means. 

Are we humans ever really free? Like tigers , we are not solitary animals. We need other people for our needs - for sustenance and nourishment - physical, emotional and intellectual. The fact that we stay in groups in the society means that we follow certain rules of engagement. And we follow a set of demands and expectations. 

As kids we were ‘free’ - free from the pressures of earning a living and from the demands of maintaining relationships. For that, we followed rules set down by our parents. There were boundaries defined - what marks were expected in academics, what friends were acceptable to parents, what time you had to be home from college or a party and what kind of marriage you were expected to make. Within these boundaries, there was room for rebellion , adventure and fun.

I don’t know about others, but I was in a terrible rush to grow up. I wanted to work, to earn my own money and I wanted to get married. I perceived all these as tools of independence - I would marry the one I loved, I would set up my own home, I could party , I could pursue my dreams and do the work I wanted. 

The very things I thought would get me freedom seem to bind me stronger today.Marriage for one - It is just not about Praneet and me any longer. Together we bear far too many responsibilities and the happiness and welfare of so many people is dependent on us. The burden is scary.

The love for my children. I like to think I made the choice to give up my career to enjoy my kids, but what freedom of choice did I really have? I could not get myself to leave those tiny hands that would clutch me and that little bundle who tugged at my heart. Even today,there are times I want to get away from it all and be with myself for a while-but there is no way I can disappear. There is still the house to be run , there are still the kids to be taken care of! 

I am beginning to realise that the relationships that provide us with the most are also the most binding. And perhaps that is the nature of love. To give and to receive . To expect and to demand. To take for granted and be taken for granted. To sacrifice and expect sacrifices. To give up some freedom and to take some away. 

Maybe it is worth - to lose freedom to love , not just commitment or obligation, because the benefits that accrue make us richer - in every sense of the word.