Nishna and I

This love affair was slow to start. When I first discovered I was pregnant, I was distraught. At 28, I was not ready to have a baby. I wanted to focus on my career! And then as the pregnancy progressed I watched with horror as my body changed to accommodate the growth in me!
When I held Nishna in my arms the first time, I was shocked I think - I could not believe that I had her in me for 9 months. And her eyes touched me - those unfocussed eyes (that possibly saw me through a haze) seemed so deep and ageless.
I don’t think I fell in love with her even then, but I lost my sleep. I would wake up at the slightest movement from her, hold my finger under her nose to check if she was breathing and also place my hand on her chest to feel it rise and fall.
I was still grappling with the enormity of it all....feeling like Mother Dairy and hating Praneet for looking the same and continuing with his life!
I don’t remember when I fell truly madly deeply in love with Nishna! But she filled up my senses and left room for nothing. And I have enjoyed every phase of her life! I have watched her transformation from a painfully shy child to the confident , articulate young girl she is today.
And today is when I perhaps I enjoy her the most.
Nishna's day is inundated with her friends and school. She loves to dress up and spends an inordinate time on bb chat and skype with her friends and her Maasi whose style opinion she trusts. (She thinks I am not feminine enough coz I don’t dress up and don’t spend time on the activity either!). She is learning to refine her wit like Praneet’s to come with pithy one liners that say it all. She loves music and dance and the house always hums with her music. And she is misery personified with Udai!
I am not her best friend and she finds faults in me. But I have learnt to laugh off the criticism and irritation. I hug her when she is angriest and laugh when she is sharpest! Coz I know that under that agitation, is my little teenager who is grappling with too many issues. Struggling with finding her identity, making her place in her peer group, keeping her head above trouble, feeling the pressure of our expectations and handling the raging hormones and all its stresses! And I know that she can only turn to me (atleast for another few years) when she needs answers to questions that are not even well formed in her head.
I have no idea what Nishna will turn out like, what she will do and what the future holds for her. All I know is that my love affair with her changes every day and is enduring! And if I could, I would protect her from every pain , suffering , failure and disappointment! But I also know that atleast in this relationship, the biggest favour I can do is to let her go and find her self....and I know she will keep turning to see me standing there!
Live Life Queensize my darling ~