RIP

I did not know Balli well at all. He was friends with my sister’s family and I met him often enough at various dos in their family. A good looking cut serd , Balli was a fitness freak and involved in film and documentary production. He had made a documentary on Sikhism that he wanted Rano and me to see.

That moment will never come , coz Balli passed away yesterday, at less than 40 years of age. Initially, everyone thought it was an April Fool’s joke, until reality set in.

Balli’s death made me think of all the recent strife that I have had in my life...and the unnecessariness of it all.I have fought with my loved ones, hurt them , blocked them from my heart and emotions and felt great anger. Ofcourse, lots of it was tinged with righteous (or not) anger, jealousy, possessiveness and demands that I made. And towards what end?

The great thing about death is that all of us are inching /hurtling towards it. The uncertainty of the timing and the manner of our death are the only two realities that elude us. If death is the only constant in my future, then why am I so worried about the mundane stuff. Why am I planning future scenarios in my mind? Where my kids will study, what kind of work will I do, where will we finally settle down to stay, how much money will we have? When will I be thin? Why should planning for tomorrow impact all the blessings I have in my life today ?

I don’t want to think of a future without all the people I love...my parents, Praneet, my kids, my siblings and their families, my friends. Hell, I don’t want to imagine my life even without the people I don’t like very much - who would then add spice to my gossip and bitching ? I love my life and do think I am God’s special child because he has given me everything one can possibly ask for.

And I don’t want to plan too much for the future.I only want to plan holidays to destinations I definitely want to visit, the cuisines I have yet to taste and the books I still have to read and write.

All I want to do today is to tell all the people in my life that I feel blessed they are there for me - as friends, enemies, rivals....whatever! Thank you for loving me or hating me and I hope to always have you around me.