In the past few months, I dealt with a bitter falling out with some people I held very dear to my heart. It came on the heels of one of the toughest personal periods in my family. And it was fraught with feelings of hurt, bitterness, sadness, betrayal and a sense of having been used.
When I needed to cope with moving on, I did a lot of recommended stuff. I tried chanting, that is supposed to relieve anxiety. And I practiced cord cutting - to reduce emotional hurt. I tried forgiveness - to forgive those that had hurt me, accepting that it was their life journey and nothing they said was really my fault, but the sum total of their own experiences. I tried praying - to soothe my nerves. I practiced forgiveness - tried being the bigger person to let it all go away.
But none of that really worked for me. I felt hurt and betrayed. There was a whole variety of hurts.
Emotional hurt -how could they do this to me when all I had ever felt was deep affection;
Egoistical hurt - nope, that is not possible. How can they treat ME like this?
Betrayal hurt - that I am being gossiped about and made to look bad ,
and a Helpless hurt - my inability to let go and move on.
I suffered and I suffered. And I began to lose faith....faith in me and in my ability to overcome so much in my life.
Until Anger happened. And maybe because I am Aries, I am good with Fire, and Anger.
Anger cleansed me like nothing ever had. It overwhelmed all my senses and it destroyed.
Anger is like fire and it burns. In its red hot avatar, it wrecks havoc on the emotional landscape and leaves destruction in its wake. And it destroys feelings of loss of self esteem, loss of self respect and loss of a cherished relationship . It burns out the emotions of guilt, self-recrimination and shame . It burns and clears up the emotional landscape , so that the process of healing might begin.
In its cold white avatar of deadly calm, Anger allows you to express all the bottled up hurt. It allows you the courage to tell the person what you feel and how you have been taken advantage of. It brings clarity to the situation - It helped me see the vicious lies I had been subject to. Cold fury clears the emotional baggage so there is a feeling of peace. It permits negativity to get out of the system, so there will be no disease in the body. It helps close the door.
Yes, a lot of stuff is said in anger, but that is purifying too. Anger encouraged me to be truthful. Why should I have been the bigger person? I am not Buddha! So why should I have suppressed my hurt and wished the other person well?
It is alright to wish the other person ill. It is alright to tell them what I think of them and the way I perceive them. It is perfectly ok to want them to experience the hurt they have put me through.To pray that the pathetic sluts will pay for their actions- that is not evil.
I see justice and fair play in my anger. And even if it was crass and evil, to hell with it. I don’t care if it made me look unfeminine or bitchy or if it was unflattering. I have lost nothing - rather I have burned the chain of misery.
So when you want to put aside hurt, betrayal and feelings of loss, I recommend anger. Anger can serve you well .Like fire, anger annihilates, but it also sets the stage for new beginnings. And hope and happiness.
Anger did not make me an angry , bitter or negative person. Its cathartic effects enabled me to be positive again - of renewing my faith in myself and in people around me.
It brought the smile back in my eyes.
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