Last week at the gym, when I overheard a couple of women discussing Fifty Shades and calling it mommy porn, I decided it was time to re-engage with the series. Years ago, I could not get through the Fifty Shades of Grey book. Anastasia Steele’s neediness and masochism appalled me and Christian Grey was the devil incarnate! After groaning through the first hundred pages, I skipped to the end of the book. Finally (I thought) good sense had prevailed and Anastasia walked away from this destructive relationship, but not before being brutally thrashed. I was never inspired to pick up the next two in the series, though the books made readers of people who had never read in their lives! An acquaintance who finds it difficult to go through a lengthy email actually read the book; his wife and he would discuss it every night! I was invited to a Fifty Shades theme party and I found the idea appalling (ok, so I did not possess leather pants, handcuffs and other ‘bare’ necessities). No accounting for taste I thought!
Now, I had to see the movie alone (my teenage daughter was horrified that I wanted to take her, and the husband looked blank and the son - well he pretended to not hear me at all ). So armed with popcorn and soda, I settled into a theatre seat, surrounded by women - some who had come with friends - and some lone rangers like me!
Can a movie ever be better than the book it is inspired from? Generally not, but I must confess, I loved the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. The movie is way superior to the tacky book. Call it mommy porn or whatever, but judging by their reactions, the women in the movie theatre enjoyed the movie as much as I did. Who would not want Christian Grey? Brought up on a diet of romantic novels (and an English Literature degree), Christian Grey comes closest to my idea of a perfect boyfriend. A good looking billionaire, he woos Anastasia with joy rides on the private plane, a laptop, a first edition copy of Tess and a car to replace her ancient one. He picks her up dead drunk from the pub and puts her to bed. He buys her lovely clothes and takes her to meet his parents. He is possessive and jealous when other men eye her! He has a dark side that is begging to be unraveled and he is drool-worthy!
Ever since the movie released, there has been a spate of articles and television programs on how the movie is a blatant endorsement of sexual violence against women.Yes, Christian Grey is also a sadist. He has a playroom with sex toys and cables, ropes, handcuffs and whips. He wants Anastasia to be submissive and demands complete obedience. What starts (in her mind) as a playful thing becomes something quite degrading and humiliating and she begins to wonder if this is what she wants. Mom and parenting blogs denounce the character of Christian Grey and detail why they would not recommend their daughters to seek a boyfriend like this depraved character. Religious blogs state that Fifty Shades makes us lose our religion because lustful thoughts lead to lustful actions; that the movie sets you down a path of self-gratification and lust.
Incidentally, most of this chastity focused advice is directed towards women - I guess it is not so bad that online pornography has twice as many male viewers than women, and male erotica books and magazines are a large industry!
Fifty Shades of Grey is a story well-told (in the movie atleast). When you peel back the various shades of Grey, it is only a real-life love/lust/ambition story! The plot is very Harlequin/Mills and Boon-ish. Simple girl meets rich billionaire and is attracted to him. He pays her loads of attention, she feels intimidated yet overwhelmed, and wants him. Peel away the S&M sub-plot, and the story is what many ambitious girls aspire to. To find a rich, good-looking billionaire boyfriend who will set their hearts singing (trust me, a bankrupt, average looking boy is not any girl’s marriage aspiration) and offer marriage. Women are natural nurturers, yet they want nurturing too; then the desire to give up control to the one you trust can be terribly romantic! Besides, like Anastasia, most women think they can change the guy they want to be with - make him dress differently, wear a new perfume, stop smoking, start drinking, lose weight, stop womanizing, earn more money, be a better human being - whatever!
So if Anastasia Steele has red, angry welts on her body, she has my empathy but no sympathy. She knows what she is getting into; she has seen the playroom and read up on submissives. Like any woman in love, Anastasia puts Christian on a pedestal and does things that will please him and make him love her more. We all do that - sometimes we are rewarded, at other times betrayed or dumped but it is a risk we are willing to take. She chooses to stay and experiment, and attempts to change/understand Christian.
In the end though it is Christian my heart goes out to. He is upfront about his expectations, lays down the rules of engagement for Anastasia and makes it clear that she can exit anytime she wants to. He struggles with his demons and the strong pull of the girl he is attracted to. He makes an attempt to be the kind of boyfriend Anastasia wants. Christian does things that he has not done with his 15 other submissives; he takes her out on dates and indulges her, and begins to confide in her. He may be damaged but he is not dishonest.
After Anastasia tells Christian to punish her in the severest manner he can, so she can understand him better, she decides to walk out on him. When it becomes difficult to find a reason to stay in a relationship, brave women walk out and leave. Yet to me Anastasia’s exit felt like a betrayal. I thought it was terribly unfair when she tells him that she loves him but does not want him anymore. What an awful burden to saddle someone else with! Additionally, you don’t ask someone to bare their soul to you, only to leave them feeling despondent and exposed. A person already damaged has less incentive to trust and heal himself thereafter.
Like me, even those who have not read the other two books know that Anastasia Steele gets Christian Grey in the end. Eventually, the unrelenting pressure of a woman’s love, and a man’s desire for her, can change him, and/or strike a more equitable balance. We love these fairytale endings!
I am all set for the next Fifty Shades movie!! My sincerest desire though is that Anastasia will stop biting her lip all the time - it was hardly a turn on, and by the end those silly red lips made me want to throw up!
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