BOL

Saw the movie Bol. A heart-rending movie of a devout Muslim father, his daughters ,their subjugation and not being allowed to ‘live’. The storyline could have been tighter and production left much to be desired , but the issues it brought forth would strike a chord in the hearts of women and men who love their women.

This is not a Muslim phenomena - of subjugating daughters, crushing their aspirations, stopping their education and exposure to the outside world. These actions are implicitly supported by the wider society - on the pretext of social and religious exigencies. Neither is this limited to a specific class. I am constantly stumped that, in this modern India, in the most liberal of all its cities, in the strata of educated Indians,these atrocities are commonplace.

I know of women who are forced to sleep on the floor when they have their periods, of girls not allowed to work, of married women not allowed to wear the clothes they want to or are not allowed to have social lives and friends because the in-laws don’t like it. Of women who are forced to account for every penny given to them and who are abused because they left work to take care of the kids. Of men who beat their wives on the slightest pretext.Of wives being constantly harassed because of parents. Ofcourse , not to mention the innumerable men who don’t like their women connecting too much with their parents and siblings.

All these women suffer in silence. It is many years into their marriages that they finally muster the courage to share these horrific details with their close friends. The deep guilt that somehow all this is their fault and the fact that they don’t want to speak ill about their husband and families gags them.

These women hope for a better future for their daughters , pray that the daughters’ lot in life will be better and the daughters will find happiness. They resent the very people they are duty bound to serve and there is lingering anger that the husband is so weak , brainless and ‘kaan ka kaccha’. There is an overwhelming resignation that this life has been such a waste.

How do the perpetrators of these crimes, the men, the inlaws and parents, justify their actions? Most of them do it in the garb of ‘social’ mores, but really, there something called humanity. Of letting people live their lives to its fullest and discovering themselves. I have little respect for people who hide behind morality and societal pressures to create misery for women . And seem to get away scot-free.

As the mother of a son, and a Sikhni on that, I hope I will have better sense to not treat my daughter-in-law shabbily. To not judge her worth by the jewelry she brings, gifts her parents give her or the family she comes from.That I will have the generosity of heart to let her pursue her career, her dreams and not trample on them. I hope I will let her mingle freely with her folks and will take pride in her achievements. And the only measure I would use for her worth is the joy and happiness she will bring to Udai. But I don’t know how I will turn out!

And I agonise over the kind of guy Nishna will marry and the family she will go into. I hope the guy will be as good as Praneet and will let her be. I hope he will love and pamper her and watch her blossom with pride. And I hope her new family will indulge her and treat her as their own. Just as my parents’ karma worked in getting my sister and me a great guy and family, Praneet’s (definitely not mine) good deeds should benefit our kids!